It’s the stuff that keeps us hopeful. It’s what keeps us up late at night wondering- it’s guys and all their bullshit.
Dudes wonder why women overthink everything in life. They wonder how we could possibly go from sweet to the devils mistress within 0.002 seconds. It’s because guys are full of shit, so us ladies are walking around petty and guarded as a result of their bullshit. Simple as that. There. That’s my blog. Bye.
Joking, but seriously. How does the universe expect us to take on the world, shave our legs, while also dodging all of this bullshit simultaneously? It’s exhausting.
Like, we aren’t even asking for it. Us ladies are just doing us and being our fabulous selves, and then here comes this dude, trying to interrupt your blissful existence with some bullshit.
And the worst part is, you know he’s full of it. The problem is their bullshit convinces you that it is not bullshit this time and then *insert narrator* “He was in fact, full of shit”.
After one to many “ok yolo” moment’s gone wrong, I feel like I can confidently give my two cents on the subject of boys and their BS. (Disclaimer: this of course does not apply to all dudes and gals. just my poor unfortunate soul and some other girls who might be under the same curse as me. enjoy.)
So, if you are anything like me (A.K.A: a strong, independent woman who don’t need a man and can buy her own drinks and has no time for games), you’ll understand the frustration that comes upon you when you do in fact- fall for some bullshit.
The worst is when you’re laying in bed at 12:41 a.m. doing some deep af soul searching and remember all of the bullshit you have sustained yourself too. It is socringe-worthy.
Like, girl why did you do that? The signs were there! First of all, he was your type, so that should have been the signal to abort mission. It was all the same song and dance. You knew the damn drill! Yet…you fell hard for the bullshit.
Do those thoughts sound familiar? Yeah, same here.
If you were to ask me though, I would say I don’t really have a type; I just need someone who can communicate without lying, be a non-fuckboy and make me laugh (if you happen to have a six pack, no one is mad about that either).
However, it seems that is way too detailed of a list in the world of dating 20-something-year-old boys.
Anyway, if you were to ask my friends, they will tell you that I definitely have a type.
I feel like our friends know our type more than we do. We are too busy being emotionally involved in all these different forms of bullshit that we become blind to our “type”. The same type that sets us up for failure each time.
My girlfriends are probably like, “Ok, he’s tall and handsome and a player and clearly emotionally unavailable, but say’s he’s available…perfect…cue Leah.”
Although, I do have a defense because we as females have these similar situations come about in our dating lives–
Per usual, I have done some reflecting and realized a theme that has occurred with all of the dudes that have slide in throughout the years. The philosophical theory I have come up with, as to what makes them all alike is that- they were full of shit.
Should us girls sit around and cry because we must be cursed for having an attraction only Rico Suave’s who speak bullshit? Or should we woman-up and take responsibility for eating it all up?
We say we hate it, but come on, we love it! We are addicted to all of the talk because we are girls and it’s no secret we fucking love talking.
We especially love the talk that comes when we are initially being pursued. It excites us because it is usually when guys are bringing there A+ bullshit game (*cue the BS compliments and BS dates he’s supposedly going to take you on).
It’s entertaining to them, but girls are over here getting their hopes up and obsessing with this idea of him when that’s not the reality of what his intentions actually are.
Words are awesome. Clearly, I love words and it’s neat that there are so many ways to communicate with people today. On the other hand though, we’ve created a generation of boys who are professional texters, sexters, swipers, likers, DMers, etc. So then, when it comes to taking care of an actual, real-life women, they literally have no idea what to do with her.
Cue the- “Bro, she was crazy” comments after you freak him out with of your realness.
No bro, she probably just wanted an actual human connection and not all the bullshit you fed her. (Just a tip: Never trust a guy who calls his exes “crazy”. Chances are that he drove her crazy with BS. But idk, that is just another one of my theories.)
Hashtag blessed, but also hashtag not blessed that this isn’t the 1950’s anymore; where a guy had no other choice other than to actually speak to your face, ask you to dance, send flowers, or make a romantic gesture to gain a girls attention. Nope. Guys can literally so much as tap their finger and like a pic. And boom, an epic romance was born.
The bullshit is what strings us along and they know that. But in turn, girls are going for the guys that feed it. I have, so it’s a vicious cycle. When does it all end?
Boys love the thrill of the chase and girls love being chased. I have dealt with this a lot being the “hot, unattainable, insta girl”. Then, they totally run for the hills because I have a mind and expectations and I am honest too. Wow how unusual right!?
There is really no other way to describe how this feels other than, it sucks.
It’s a downer when someone likes the way you look on the outside or likes the idea of you when they see a picture. However, when it comes to facing the reality of having you, they run (probably running onto the next girl they came across). It’s cowardly and unfair, especially after all the bullshit they made you believe, but that is a boy for you honey.
Boys do this with girls. They instinctively see what you have on the surface. If they like what they see, they from then on, imagine what it would be like too have you. Once they have you though, the excitement of that chase is gone.
How the heck do we deal with this game of BS without being stand-offish to all dudes?
Something I am still learning is to stop going “all in” for a guy. It is literally something that is instilled in me and I just can not help myself sometimes. I can be so extra and so wifey, but it is always with the wrong dudes. So let’s cut that out, ya feel me?
Instead, have the next guy go all in for you. If you think you have found your “dream man” because you are getting all the right words spoken to you initially, just wait for him to make the next move.
Basically, see if he actually follows through with game he is talking before you start doing all that bad ass, wifey stuff.
From experience, if someone is telling you things that are to good to be true, then they probably are just that- too good to be true. Because in reality, situations and people are not perfect.
Living in this world where things are more instant and in your face, it is really serving no benefit to the world of relationships. It creates larger egos, a lot fakeness, and a whole lot of facades, but we all participate. And all of it just makes it easier for guys to wonder and it makes it harder for girls to dodge the BS.
Boys are now being taught at a young age that they can literally swipe left or right to find a girl. Solely, looking at if she’s hot.
Meanwhile, women over here are like: “ok he’s cute. cool. but does he have a degree, a job, a steady income, has he started his 401K, does he want a apartment in the city or house suburbs, what are his hopes and dreams, does he workout, will he spot me if we workout together, ew please don’t tell me he’s clingy though, I wonder if he’s intimidated by a self sufficient woman cause I’m totally independent af, how many ex gfs does he have, are they pretty…who cares I’m hotter, but I’m also pretty on the inside, I wonder if he has a kind soul too, oh I wonder if he’s cheated on an ex, would that be a deal breaker, depends, wait stop..yes it’s a damn deal breaker, does he wanna travel, where too?, oh God will my family like him, will he be friends with my brothers, yeah I could see him vibing with my girlfriends, what kind of music does he like, dear God please do not say country, except carrie underwood obviously, is he a good dancer, will he dance with me, omg our wedding song should be…oh stop that’s way too ambitious, what are his biggest fears, it better not be bugs because someone has to do that dirty work for me, does he have a dog, does he want a dog, does he want kids, is he nice to his mom? will he watch rom coms and drink wine with me, does he have a dirty side, I bet he does #blessed, OH GOD will his mom like me. my mom kind of likes me so I should be fine.
…OK so maybe, I’ll text him back.”
But no, a boy is like, “who cares about her damn hopes and dreams, she’s hot. Swipe!”
These boys have the luxury of hiding behind a screen and saying whatever they want, but they won’t say it to your face. They can’t handle the real thing because everything else is literally that easy and convenient for them. So now, we have tons of guys taking girls for granted because there are so many others at there finger tips. Then, it just gets even messier because stereotypes and imagination take over.
I kid you not, almost every guy that has met me has said the same thing. They are actually shocked by how nice I am because of this stereotype that has been engraved in their head. I never know if it’s a compliment or whether I should be offended by the assumptions they made without even knowing me.
This convo actually happened with a past guy:
Him: “Wow. You’re a lot different than I was expecting.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Him: “Most hot girls are usually bitches. You’re nice and cool.”
He must have wanted a bitch because he didn’t want to stick around unless it was 2 a.m.
- I am really not that nice, ask my mom and my best friends.
- I am kind to people, now more than I ever have been, because I have felt cruelty.
So, I am nice, until you give me a reason to be a crazy beotch #blessed!
It is pretty depressing as a woman because all this BS from guys almost drives us to try and compete with other women. Well, that will not get us nowhere. So my advice is don’t.
Get out of these bullshit cycles, if you’re tired of the same patterns with guys, like I am. Focus on the real pieces and dig through the lies as best as you can.
A boy will sing you the sonnets you want to hear. He will string you along with words and false love, but he will run away when he has to put actions behind them. Once he gets you, he will go- because it’s a game.
Only a man will stay. A man who has been through similar struggles as you will stay, so wait for that. When you have been through something bad, you really appreciate something good. You want a situation where there is equal appreciation for one another. Not some bullshit, while you as the woman are expected to go all out.
Don’t waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer. When you’re with an actual man, it won’t be all about him and his ego, but he will want to get to know you as well.
I think a man will just do it (ya know, like Nike), instead of just talking about how he’s going to do it. A man will take care of you, while also taking care of himself.
Both you and I know that woman are capable of going all in for guys because we do it all of the time. As women we are extra, we overthink, and we like to talk about how we literally can’t with life. But mostly, as women we go ALL IN with our hearts and in love.
Let’s just stop entertaining the wrong guys in hopes that it might turn into love. The unfortunate reality of dating in your 20’s is that their is high percentage chance of major bullshit in the forecast. And in the defense of boys, they are still in their “bullshitting, selfish, and bro phase.” This does not mean it is ok though and it does not mean we should play along. Keep doing you and call out the BS when it comes your way.
Proceed with caution when your heart is involved. Don’t go all in at once. Be extra for the right guy. Make the next dude backup the bullshit, put in the work and do it right (…pun definitely intended).
Boys like the idea of having a woman, but babe, they can’t handle one; I call bullshit.
Too any guy who read this and feels personally victimized by Leah La Rosa, prove a girl wrong for once or swipe left.
Love, Leah La Rosa