When there is too much to say, so I will share my story in fragments.
When I feel as though, the girl I am about to share with you is an entirely different person.
When now, it all seems like a distant memory, a bad dream and even a completely different life. When maybe in some ways, it was.
Remember, When you and when I…
When did you first realize it would be me? When did you feel the rush to chase the good girl?
When you saw I was innocent, young and outgoing.
When you were older, handsome, and popular.
When I was a young girl, just growing into a young women.
When my parents liked you, but your persistence made me uneasy.
When I just wanted to be friends.
When I was 15, I let my crush take me out for Valentines Day.
When you showed up at my doorstep with roses anyway.
When you did this again and again, onetime bringing coffee.
When you made great first impressions on people. When first impressions are deceiving.
When I finally let you take me on a date.
When I still did not like you.
When I thought you were a stereotypical douche bag, player athlete. When I heard stories about you. When people warned me and when I listened to them.
When I let you drive me to school in your brand new sports car.
When you opened up your glove box and there was a giant box of condoms. When I pretended not to see them, but when I instantly felt sick.
When I thought you were so weird.
When the relentless behavior went from weird to seemingly sweet.
When you took me to prom. When you asked in the most elaborate way. When I felt like the coolest freshman girl at our high school. When you did this the year after too.
When your first kiss on me made me cringe. When you stuck your tongue down my throat.
When I went home to brush my teeth after.
When I said no, and when I said no again. When this frustrated you. When this made you want me even more.
When you’re a spoiled, little rich boy who has gotten everything he ever wanted. When money has temporarily fixed your problems. When it has all been handed to you.
When that has created a damn problem of a now, grown man.
When I eventually said yes to you.
When you told me you loved me and you wrapped silver around my neck
When I fell in love with you.
When you were my first love. When I had nothing to compare it too.
When we spent our first summer at the beach.
When I was not so innocent anymore.
When you broke up with me for the first time and when I felt like I was dying.
When you quickly wanted me back, but how I wish now, you would have let me go.
When this happened a thousand more times over. When each time it was worse.
When you changed and when you changed me
When you left to play college football. When you left to play me. When you left to play with older girls.
When you constantly reminded me I was young, stupid and inexperienced.
When I wanted to be older. When I wanted to be sexier. When I wanted to somehow compete with college girls. When I wanted to be anyone, but the girl I was.
When you kept hanging out with the college cheerleader, then dancer, then sorority girl..
When I thought you were just friends. When I was naïve.
When I put on push-up bras. When I painted thick, black lines around my eyes. When I glued fake lashes on. When I was turning into a walking Barbie doll.
When nothing was good enough. When everyday was a new day to fight and breakup.
When you did nothing to keep me. When you did everything to get me back.
When the outgoing and fun girl become shy, sad, and insecure.
When people noticed this. When my high school broadcasting teacher noticed. When I told him I was fine and smiled. When I used to be the happy girl who made funny videos.
When I suddenly cared what people thought of me. When the biggest smiles really can mask the most pain.
When you would call to scream at me. When you would hang up on me. When you would to tell me you loved me. When you started saying “fuck you”. When your anger was irrational and unavoidable.
When I would sit in my closet and cry so my parents would not hear.
When they still could hear.
When everything you said you loved about me, you now told me you didn’t like.
When you degraded me and put me down, if your ego was bruised.
When your ego was always hurt.
When I made you feel intimidated, you spit cruel words to boost yourself back up. When some words a girl never forgets.
When I was 16, you told me I was bad in bed.
When a 16 year old girl is not supposed to be good in bed, asshole.
When this messed me up. When I learned how to please a boy over myself. When I wanted to be the best.
When I was never the problem. When your insecurities were the problem. When I did not know this yet.
When you were always sorry. When you never meant it.
When you were so good at saying sorry. When you could be really sweet.
When the highs were high and the lows were so low. When there could never be an in-between.
When I supported all of your stupid dreams. When you laughed at mine. When you talked of marriage one day, but when you had only one role in mind for me.
When you were always going to do better. When it never got better.
When you told me you wanted a woman. When you would threaten to leave me for an actual woman.
When you belittled me for my body not responding positive to your touch. When you constantly made me feel like something was wrong with me. When everything was wrong with you.
When our relationship was intense and volatile.
When all that I did was for you. When suddenly, my world became only you.
When you kept coming back home to me. When that was all I had to look forward too.
When high school slowly became nothing to me.
When I stopping talking to my best friend. When it was easier not to talk. When I had less people to explain myself too. When you did not like her. When she moved across the country.
When I thought I was above other girls my age because I had you. When I hated girls. When I stalked social media for hours to see who you would like. When my phone was filled with screenshots, instead of memories. When I was learning to see girls as my competition and not my friends. When I automatically assumed girls would not like me. When I judged girls.
When I became quiet.
When I drove 3 hours to see you every weekend. When my parents disapproved. When I threw a fit. When I said I did not drink, drug or fail classes. When I was a good daughter, despite you.
When I was 17, I drank for the first time with you. When I drank a full Four Loko and chugged pink moscato from the bottle.
When the last thing in my memory is throwing up in a bush in front of half of the football team. When I wake up on your floor, not remembering a thing.
When you made me kneel in church that morning anyway. When my fake eyelashes were peeling off from the night before. When I prayed for you. When I prayed for us.
When we posted a picture after church with adoring comment about our perfection. When our pictures were a cover-up of the dysfunction and pain.
When to this day, I will still not drink moscato.
When everything about us was superficial. When people thought we were perfect. When people stopped us on the street to say “how cute” we were. When your hands were always on me. When this was not out of love, but out of control.
When you brought flowers, words, and a beating on my door every time I said goodbye.
When everyone told me to stop. When I was addicted to you.
When I stopped whatever I was doing to respond to you. When you manipulated me. When I answered to you. When I had no self control. When I see girls do this now, I think of you.
When I gave my parents years of Hell. When I set a bad example for my bothers. When my brothers did not like you. When you did not like them either.
When I learned to keep my mouth shut about everything because it was easier that way.
When I learned how to lie. When I learned how to be fake.
When we snuck around. When we were a secret. When we would spent hours in your jeep fighting…or the opposite.
When I cooked, cleaned and did your laundry. When I took care of you, when you were sick. When you yelled at me for ironing your clothes wrong. When I was subservient.
When I was bullied online in eleventh grade because of you. When you played college ball. When you would stir up fights with high school athletes. When I did not get involved. When I pleaded for you to stop. When I was being called your “high school pussy”. When I did not go to school. When guys who you had beef with threatened to take it out on me. When you did not care if your impulsive actions caused me harm. When the male administrator defended them. When “boys will be boys”. When I finally got the courage to walk up to those pricks at school. When they shit their pants on the spot.
When I kept trying to use my voice. When I was shamed for using it.
When I begged you to take me to my junior prom. When I had to pull you out of a fight on the dance floor. When everything was about you. When even in a sparkled gown, I felt dull and invisible. When I ran into my cheer coach on the way out. When she said I looked beautiful. When I had not heard that in a long time. When I held back tears. When I did not think I was beautiful.
When I hated high school. When I started taking college classes early.
When you would not take me to my senior prom. When I did not go to my senior prom.
When you ruined important moments for me and did not think twice about doing so. When your celebrations were a requirement. When you said I was the disrespectful one.
When I always got new clothes and lingerie for you. When you called me a slut, if I dressed sexy. When you would cheat on me with the most provocative of girls.
When you always accused me of trying to get other guys attention.
When you accused me of everything that you were guilty for.
When everything was a complete mind fuck. When nothing ever made sense. When I could never win. When I somehow thought I could never get anyone better than you.
When I kept trying to do better for you.
When you told me what to eat. When you told me what to wear. When you told me what I could and could not post. When you did not like my social media presence period. When you did not like my music. When I could only watch your movies. When I could not shower alone. When you told me to take off my makeup. When you told me not to cut my hair. When you told me not to dye my hair because I would no longer be a natural blonde. When you told me to take a shower if I was dirty. When you told me to shave. When you told me to lotion my skin. When you said you liked my skin tan. When I was on your time, and your time only. When I was your toy doll.
When you did baby talk, I hated that. When you were swearing at me moments prior.
When I hated how you had to get up to brush you teeth before kissing me. When I hated how you always showered before touching me. When I hated how you spent what seemed like hours in the bathroom. When I hated how you locked the bathroom door.
When I always had to keep the door open. When I was not allowed privacy. When you always had to see me. When I could not change without being groped.
When I hated how insecure and vain you were. When I hated how it rubbed off on me.
When I hated how perfect you had to be. When I hated how perfect I had to pretend to be.
When I found makeup under your sink. When you got angry. When I never knew if it was yours or another girl’s.
When you yelled at me for watching inappropriate movies. When we had to leave the movie theaters a lot if I laughed at certain scenes or when the male lead was too attractive for your ego to handle.
When you were so insecure. When I still did not have a clue.
When you could have sex with other girls. When I had never been with anyone else.
When I couldn’t have guy friends. When the little friends I had, you did not like.
When I had photos, videos and messages of your infidelity. When you still denied it.
When I still stayed.
When writing about it disturbs me all over again. When writing about it brings me relief.
When I was having fun, that pissed you off. When I was quiet and sad that was your way to have better control over me.
When you reminded me to always say thank you. When you always told me I was ungrateful and unappreciative of you. When I always said please and thank you.
When you made me capitalize your name because it was disrespectful not too. When your name is a “fucking proper noun”.
When I swear, you thought you were a God. When you told me what sins are greater than others. When I was a sinner. When you weren’t. When you went to Mass every Sunday. When I was not allowed to go with you. When you treated me and others with cruelty. When you judged. When you cheated. When you took. When you abused. When you did not love.
When apparently, none of that matters, because you physically show up at Sunday Mass.
When you got angry if I did not like the same things as you. When you got mad because I wanted grape jelly over strawberry. When I had to eat and workout like you.
When I joined a gym and you changed gyms to mine. When you thought I went to the gym to look at other guys. When you stood behind me when I used the squat bar. When you shook your head at other guys who looked my way. When you called me a slut for wearing shorts to the gym.
When you told me “how to look like Beyoncé”. When no one can look Beyoncé…she’s fucking Beyoncé.
When you always told me I was weird. When differences were never good.
When I was talked down too, when I expressed a difference of opinion.
When I did not have my own opinions anymore.
When you showed up everywhere I went. When you harassed me where I worked. When you started fights with anyone who was nice to me. When you were always making fun of other people and putting others down.
When I smiled and waved to someone, you would tense up and question me.
When no one liked you. When you embarrassed me in public settings. When you made every holiday stressful and sad.
When I surprised you with food and when your first response was asking if I got the sauce you like. When I did not get the sauce you liked.
When I surprised you with a picnic, and when you said there was not enough food. When that was not the point.
When I got you special made cupcakes for your birthday, and when you would not eat them because your are on a “strict diet for football”. When you were a backup kicker.
When I spent 3 months and five-hundred-dollars hand making a detailed scrapbook for you. When one week later it was thrown on my doorstep. When it came with a note that said “I know you’re talking to other guys”. When I talked to no one.
When the harder I tried, the meaner you got.
When I could never get it right. When my heart constantly felt these sharp stabs. When I thought I was loosing my mind.
When at your 21st birthday party. When all of your friends came from USC. When I did not know them well. When you kept your girlfriend, separate from friends. When you got angry because you said I was checking out your friend in the pool. When your friend was a gross, jerky lineman. When you insulted my swimsuit. When I was humiliated. When you said you could “see my vagina” in front of everyone at the party. When you of course, could not.
When I sat on the ground in a parking deck that day, not caring what happened to me.
When I wanted to get out, but when I was so deeply invested that I could not leave.
When a girl from the party saw I was gone. When that girl sat with me in a dirty parking deck and hugged me. When that girl shared with me her own struggles. When that girl is still one of my best friends.
When I still keep in touch with other girls you hurt and cheated with.
When you got mad if other guys looked at me. When guys looked at me that was my fault. When I should not have worn this. When I should not have done that. When I must have been the one hiding things.
When we could never go out together because you would make a huge scene. When you were always trying to fight people. When you started a fight with that drunk guy in an Uber.
When I could not drink around you. When you would wait for me to get drunk and come get me.
When you constantly reminded me how replaceable I was, but when you told everyone I was of limits.
When I completely fucking hated you.
When I was scared to leave. When you made threats.
When you would threaten to hurt yourself if I left. When you “could not live without me”.
When you can truly only hate someone you’ve loved
When I did and said everything you wanted to avoid the battle of consequences. When I kept silent, if I was unhappy. When I did everything in my power to avoid a fight.
When that never worked. When you would always find something.
When I kept trying to get away.
When you said you created me and when you said you would ruin me.
When you would grab me. When you would squeeze my arms. When you would push me. When you would pull me close to your body. When you got more physical.
When you looked at me with complete disgust and rage.
When onetime I slapped you across the face. When you never let me forget that after.
When I was not myself.
When I felt worthless. When I always tried to leave.
When you picked me up. When you threw me into the hallway.
When you locked me away in a room.
When you watched me cry, scream, and beg—When you called me idiot, whore, bitch, slut and cunt. When nothing you said made sense.
When I was completely secluded.
When you always took my phone. When I took your phone one time. When I would find private pictures from other girls. When I would always find text messages.
When everything was a secret with you. When everything was none of my business.
When I always had to be candid or I was the liar.
When you thought it was weird how my family was loud, funny, and social. When you tried to convince me my own family was bad. When we took you on vacations and you would ruin them.
When you called my brother a fag. When my mother told you to stay away, you said you didn’t respect her. When you had a conversation with my father.
When you are nothing like my father.
When you could sweet talk your way out of anything. When you were so good at making it seem like everything was normal.
When you did not have a sense of humor. When your family was judgmental, strict and cold. When I never was invited to your family gatherings. When this relationship lasted 5 years…
When I did visit your mansion, it was empty, uncomfortable and unwelcoming. When I felt sorry for you that you did not feel love the way I did.
When maybe that is why I kept staying. When part of me always felt sorry for you.
When I wanted to fix you and by doing so I broke away pieces of myself.
When I kept getting older and wiser. When I wasn’t a young girl anymore.
When I started to be successful. When you were a has been. When you didn’t like that.
When you said I changed. When you said you wanted a nice, catholic girl. When your actions wanted the opposite from the moment you met me.
When you turned the good girl you had into a mean, and desperate girl. When I did everything to please you and not me.
When you are a façade and hypocrite. When you were tough on the outside, but when you were emotionally unstable underneath. When you would complain about your life. When you would complain about your career. When you would cry…all of the time.
When I was over it, but when I could not get out.
When you laid in the street one night and screamed so all my neighbors would hear.
When you transferred schools conveniently when I started college.
When my first year of college, I was slowing breaking free of you. When break ups got longer because I was getting stronger.
When I got a bartending job to go out of my comfort zone. When this pissed you off and I liked that. When I started rebelling.
When I forced myself to be social. When I forced myself to pretend like I was having fun. When I wanted desperately to get out of this shell you closed me in.
When we were broken up that year, but not.
When I met one of my best friends at work. When it was my first real friend in a while. When it was my last friend who would ever know you. When I met a guy at work and when he took me to the movies. When that was the first guy I kissed, other than you, since I was 15-years-old.
When he told me I was a good kisser. When it felt good to hear that I was special for the first time. When I did not think this. When I actually got to laugh at funny scenes of the movie without getting in trouble. When you messaged him and said I was your girl.
When you would constantly ruin my life.
When I told you to stay away, but when I called you late at night. When I still needed a hit. When you were all I knew for years.
When you would bang on my apartment door late at night. When I would call the cops on you. When you would always talk your way out of it.
When you told people I was the crazy one.
When you had so many weapons. When people do not need those kinds of weapons to defend themselves. When you grabbed your gun every chance you got. When you pulled out your axe. When one time, you took me to the gun range to shoot your AK-47. When the gun shook my entire body. When someone like you, holds mass destruction in their hands. When that is terrifying.
When money was meaningless to you. When you never paid attention to prices at the grocery store. When you never put money in the parking meters. When I opened the glovebox their was always a stack of parking tickets…and condoms.
When you are entitled and have no respect for others.
When you said ladies should not cuss. When you could call people vulgar names.
When you would always check my phone. When you threw my phone across the parking lot. When I tried to call for help.
When you threw me out of my car. When you got in my drivers seat.
When I said it was over. When you stood in front of my car to prevent me from leaving.
When I seriously contemplated just running you over.
When I reported you for the first time, but cameras couldn’t catch what you did to me.
When I said no, but when you said yes. When you used my body without my mind being present. When I was sleeping and woke to you video taping me. When you took pictures of me without my knowledge.
When I learned a hug was a way to say I am sorry for something I did not do. When I learned kissing was a tool to shut you up. When I learned sex was an act to temporarily end an argument. When I learned that making love was my only advantage on all of the other girls you had been with.
When you could initiate sex. When that was constant. When I wanted it, I was a whore.
When you watched my body get smaller and weaker. When you said you liked how skinny I was. When you saw me slowly go into isolation. When you kept pushing the limits.
When I was depressed. When I would lift at the gym for 3 hours a day. When my diet was a banana & a large latte, a protein shake, and whatever I wanted for dinner. When I was always hungry and empty. When I sometimes gave myself spoons of peanut butter at night. When I slept in until 12 and when I was still tired. When I cried everyday.
When the doctor told my mom that she was concerned about the weight. When I had lost so much in a short amount of time. When I should not have been loosing any weight. When she told me to gain weight. When I did not listen. When I was defensive. When I weighed myself constantly. When I looked at my body in the mirror. When the number dropped smaller, I felt like I was shedding away bad pieces of myself. When this gave me a temporary high. When I was disgusted watching people eat normal meals. When girls complimented me for my size. When I hated my body.
When one day I woke up. When I was dizzy and could not see. When I could not stand without falling. When my dad had to take me to the ER. When I was hospitalized just for strep throat. When my body was so worn down. When it could not fight something so common. When I was not healthy physically.
When that was the last straw. When I started eating more. When that was very hard for me to do and sometimes still is. When I get angry now, if I overhear girls joking about not eating. When I never compliment girls on “how skinny they are” because of this. When I start to fuel my body again.
When you kept getting worse. When I tried to run, you would grab on tighter. When you said I would have been nothing without you. When you got off on seeing me cry and in fear.
When I was younger, I mistook your controlling behavior as love and protection. When now, I see the you were the most dangerous thing that ever happened to me.
When all of the above gave you a rush.
When I woke up one morning next to you. When your bestfriend sent me a video. When the video was of you hooking up with some girl in a bathroom. When a switch flipped in my head. When I laughed, when let you sleep, when I took a shower, then when told you to leave. When you cried like a baby per usual and when I shut the door for the last time. When that guy is not your friend anymore. When you are also a bad friend . When I am not your girl anymore.
When I never looked back at you again. When I got a whole new life.
When I spoke to my high school best friend for the first time in 3 years. When I flew to see her. When nothing had changed. When she is one of my soulmates.
When I joined a sorority. When you used to talk down about people in Greek life. When you were just intimidated. When I found new friends and when I met my best friend. When they shared similar experiences. When I connected with other girls. When I could reinvent myself and be whoever I wanted to be. When I did not have this label as your girl. When they all loved me for me.
When we all did stupid things that we won’t tell our kids about. When we cried on each other and made mistakes together. We supported and celebrated each other. When I went home with them at night. When we got pizza at 5 in the morning and when we told each other how hot we still looked. When every girl needs this. When I sometimes wonder where I would be now without them. When they saved me and they did not even know it.
When I don’t tell any of them about you.
When I got a rush of my own…
When I broke free.
When I ran further, and further towards myself again.
When I block you, delete you, erase you, and burn you.
When I gave every piece of you away.
When I flushed your ring down the toilet.
When there is not a trace left of you.
When I don’t speak your name.
When I was falling for someone else for the first time. When this helped me move on.
When I fell for other people and got hurt. When it was still so beautiful because none of it was done by you. When nothing will hurt me as bad. When I am empowered.
When I met so many cool, confident guys after. When they were still just boys…but all better than you. When I realized my worth. When I promised myself I would not settle.
When I had to fake happiness and when I had to try new things.
When one day, I was genuinely happy.
When I thought you were the biggest battle of all. When I was wrong. When I had to repair the relationship with myself. When learning to love myself was going to be the biggest challenge of all.
When I was still not healthy mentally. When panic disorder and anxiety were my aftermath. When I still knew you were watching. When I could feel your presence. When I was always on edge. When I couldn’t breathe. When I thought my throat was closing. When I had to leave class. When I had to leave movie theaters. When I had to pull my car over. When one happened on a date and I hid it. When my body would get hot. When I would stare out into space. When I felt like I might die. When I would run to the emergency room. When I was being attacked by my own mind. When I needed medication to help me fight through this period. When my mind was so used to the abuse, it was creating its own. When I still look over my shoulder years later.
When I tried therapy. When I felt too sane and silly, so I stopped going.
When I was healed, and in ways, I will always be healing.
When I was learning to trust people and when I am still learning to do so.
When I kept growing up. When nothing got easier, but you made me stronger.
When I partied. When I was a bad girl because I was a good girl for so long.
When I look back and don’t recognize that girl anymore. When that makes me relieved.
When I had normal relationships. When little things guys do remind me of you. When little things secretly trigger a fear that they could be like you. When the most abnormal was more normal than you. When I kept loving and living.
When I had independence. When I traveled. When I lived across the country for the summer. When I learned to chase my dreams. When all the hate I have received motivates me.
When I still see you and still hear you years later. When I still got stalked and harassed by you.
When we are complete strangers.
When I warned you to leave me alone for the last time. When I did not speak a word to you for two and a half years.
When I got strange, unknown gifts. When I still received texts once a month and every holiday. When these gave me chills. When my friends would see me go quiet for a minute.
When I graduate college. When I somehow graduate before you.
When I begin my adult life.
When you and your football rejects harass me for the last time via voicemail.
When you’re dumb enough to think I do not know how to track a number. When I went to school for reporting.
When you do not know the woman you are messing with.
When I fight to end you. When I am the one who ruins you. When I dare you to try to ruin me.
When I have nothing, but the truth on my side.
When the justice system makes it fucking brutal for a woman to get help. When police make you question whether you were actually a victim.
When you wonder how long you are supposed to let someone stalk you.
When I say to the judge, “How long do I have to wait to get legal help…until he kills me?”
When you were obsessed. When you were my abuser. When you were now my stalker.
When the evidence is all there, but I still must fight to prove I was a victim.
When we go to trial. When it lasts all day. When I had witnesses and you had none.
When I never looked you in the eye once on that day.
When I had to think back into the mindset of a girl that I no longer recognize.
When I had to cry to a room full of strangers about my past. When I hate showing weakness.
When I had not talked out loud about us to anyone, not even my best friends.
When my bestfriend walked to the stand. When she has never even met you.
When I had to talk about our sex life in front of a courtroom full of strangers. When I had to talk about my eating disorder, panic disorder and abuse out loud. When doing this, was like reliving it all over again.
When my family was there, their friends and my friends.
When you had no one, but your attorney father.
When you are a 24-year-old man, daddy can’t get you out of your messes anymore.
When I am now a 22-year-old woman who grew up way too fast. When I am happy about that now.
When you are 16, you think your first love will be the guy you marry. When they are often times your first example of what is not love.
When I said “I do”, it was swearing to a judge I would tell the truth. When that would be a damn plot twist to my 16-year-old self.
When I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth with God as my witness.
When you lied on the stand.
When you were the one scared for once because I am a terrifying women now.
When you said you wanted a woman, well you got one.
When I have a new voice and when you are so much smaller than it.
When I don’t “shut the fuck up” anymore.
When now, all that is left of you is a box and a court order.
When I now have a new love for women and a better judgement of men.
When almost every woman has been a victim to some sort of abuse.
When now, I see girls going through what I went through with you. When I see girls with eating disorders. When I see girls battling depression and anxiety. When see girls with cut-up wrists. When I see girls self harming. When I see girls not loving themselves. When I tell them you are not alone and you are worthy. When I hope they will listen and hear me.
When I am weak, I remember the young girl who needs me to be strong for her.
When I don’t settle. When I do not take shit anymore. When I do not judge, especially another woman. When I disregard judgements of me.
When I acknowledge we are all humans. When there is something far beneath the surface of what makes up a human being. When we all should keep that in mind. When there will always be hatred and cruelty in this world.
When I still love my body, mind and soul, despite it’s trauma.
When I know I will get love returned to me the way I give it.
When I am now real, raw and honest because I faked happiness for so long.
When I evolve. When I am different now.
When part of me will always be running from the girl I was.
When I now seek to be equals with someone.
When I know I am beautiful, strong, and worthy.
When I win.
When I forgive you.
When I have apologized to my body and mind.
When I have saved my sweetness, but when I have kept my tongue.
When I look back, I thank you for not loving me, because I now recognize true love.
When I accept and love myself.
Love, Leah La Rosa
(P.S: This is for all young girls or women in an unhealthy or abusive situation. Relationship abuse simply would not be an issue for women, if it were easy to get out of. It is painful and long, but extremely possible to escape. Thank you to my Angels who saved me. Although you may not have known your impact on my life, I am forever grateful for all of the healthy relationships that have helped heal me. I love you with all of my heart. You know who you are.)